I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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