How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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