the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
