I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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