I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
