about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
