I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
