woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
