erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
