So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
