Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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