I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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