Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
