I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
