I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
