I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
