Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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