Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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