she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
