i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sick fucks of a feather flock together
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
