i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
how does that bad decision feel?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
