I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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