So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
