Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it's like iHOP with fire
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
