I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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