Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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