Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
