i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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