I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
