You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
