Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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