So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
