There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
