Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
