I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
