did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
