I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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