i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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