Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
