What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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