...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
