kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
