never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
