"it" just moved
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
