I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
