this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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