im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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