and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
