i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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