I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
