so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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