great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
