Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Omg I joined a choir last night...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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